Hard stuff...

Let's be honest here, shall we?  Life is difficult and it's too easy to get overwhelmed.  Now I'm not saying that my life is any more difficult than the next person's.  We all have our own struggles and challenges, and we all have different ways to overcome them.  I'm a Christian, I believe in God, I know that He said He's going to always supply my needs, but sometimes I wonder what He's thinking.  When I look at myself, I see a weakling, someone barely hanging on to a thread that might be able to pull me out of an endless pit of impossibilities.  Apparently, when God sees me, He sees a strong person capable of tackling life with His help.  I'll admit, I worry and I stress too much.  But at the same time, I have difficulty looking at things like the glass is half full.  It's like there's no way for me to look at life and not be stressed out over it. 

Everyone told me marriage wouldn't be easy - in fact, I already knew it wouldn't be easy.  But I didn't realize how difficult it is to have one person on unemployment that's running out, and the other person still in college working only 5 hours a week.  It seems impossible and sometimes it almost is.  There's hardly ever excess money, everything goes to bills and necessities and things for other people.  I know it's supposed to get better, but it's really hard to see that now.  And I'm not really complaining, not really.  I know I'm not going to get kicked out on the street if I don't have quite enough money to pay rent (yes, we've joined the growing portion of Americans who have multiple families in one house), I know my mom won't let us go hungry, but we still have bills to pay and I just wonder if we'll ever be out on our own anytime soon.  There are so many things I want to do, and I believe we have the potential to do them - to create incredible films, to travel around the states and the world, to have a family, to build our dream house - I'm just not sure how to get from here to there.  So maybe I'm biting off more of my dreams than I can digest right now...

Ok, so I'm not sure what the point of this post really is.  I guess I'm just talking out loud...but you should go listen to a song called Strong Enough by Matthew West.  It's inspiring and makes me feel a little better even though I'm freaking out inside:


You must
You must think I'm strong
To give me what I'm going through

Well, forgive me
Forgive me if I'm wrong
But this looks like more than I can do
On my own

I know I'm not strong enough to be
everything that I'm supposed to be
I give up
I'm not stong enough
Hands of mercy won't you cover me
Lord right now I'm asking you to be
Strong enough
Strong enough
For the both of us